Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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