Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize