True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
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