he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize