all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize