I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Randomize
