what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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