She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize