That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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