There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
