He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize