when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
me + whiskey = a bad person
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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