You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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