If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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