I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
