apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
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