Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize