I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
