chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
