I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
