you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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