ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
