Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
