I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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