gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
