my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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