There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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