Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
