There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
