you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
