How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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