i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
