Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
