oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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