Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
