so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i was born a porn star she said
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
