Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
