The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
