wanna go halves on a baby?
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
