she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Blow job season was short but glorious.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
