I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
