Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Randomize
