i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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