I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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