Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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