i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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