i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
