We're facebook friends in real life
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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