I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Randomize
