I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
