I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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