Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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