i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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