dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
