I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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