nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
