Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
