he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
