Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
