Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
