cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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