Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
