Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
