The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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