My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
