So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
