I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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