so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize